Chapter 14 - Gen 5 - Amber

You could cut the atmosphere with a knife, me Bradey and Dad had not spoken to each other since our outburst yesterday.  We were all in the babies room, Dad and Bradey tending to the toddlers needs while I sat quietly in the corner just watching and waiting for someone to speak, they just ignored me while they laughed and played with the toddlers.  Piper came crawling towards me, he got a little too close for my liking, he just looked at me then pulled out his doll and started to cuddle and sing to his doll.  Just his singing was getting on my nerves.

I must have been sat there pulling faces at him without realising because suddenly Bradey huffed and snatched Piper up.

"I'll move him shall I, I don't want you throwing another hissy fit!!"

He put Piper down on the other side of the room then came back and just stood there stared at me, the weirdest of expressions on his face.

"I really don't get you, you are not the person I thought you were!!"

"I don't want another fight Bradey, just leave me alone!!"

"No this has gone on far too long, we have sat back hoping you would come to your senses but this is never going away is it?"

 I was surprised when he sat down beside me, I think this is the closest we have been to each other since the day that Piper was born.

"I think it's time that you and me talked about this problem of yours!!"

"Bradey I don't want to talk about it."

"Well then we have a problem, I can't do this any more Amber, if you can't talk to me what does that say about us - if you won't talk to me then I am going to have to do what I think is best for the kids, I am moving out with the kids, this is not doing them any good."

"You can't leave!!"

"I can and I will, Melody really can not understand why her Mommy hates her, its screwing her head up and all four of them are going to feel the say way, its better you not being around them, it won't hurt them so much!!"

"I don't hate her!!"

"Well you sure as hell don't act like you even like her let alone love her - they are our children - how can you be so cold?"

"I don't know, its hard to explain"

"So try and tell me because I need to understand what is going on in your head Amber!!"

"I feel tired, irritated and miserable all the time."

"That doesn't tell me why you won't go near the children!!"

"I should never have had them, I was not meant to be a mother, I can't do it."

"Now you are just being stupid, since the day all four of them were born you haven't touched them, so how would you know what sort of mother you would make - you haven't even tried!!"

"I just know, I feel numb, I am irritated by them just being here!!"

"What you are saying just isn't making any sense to me!!"

"Look, I resent them being here, you give them all your attention and are forgetting me, I don't want them here taking up my time and energy or yours, they stink and they cry, why do they never stop crying, it is never ending and I feel like I can't cope with it and I don't want it, the minute I get near them I start to panic inside and I just want to scream and get away from them!!  I hate the way I am feeling but I can't stop it."

"I don't have time for you because I am struggling with four children without you, if it wasn't for your Dad here helping I don't know what I would have done."

"I know - but I can't help you, their crying irritates the hell out of me I just want them to shut up, I feel like I want to shake them till they stop!!"

"Amber they hardly cry."

"They are always crying they never stop!!"

"Amber I think you need psychological help, really they rarely cry now they are toddlers, you are worrying me with the other stuff you said, you are talking like you are unhinged!!"

"I feel unhinged, I think I am going mental sometimes, I hate feeling like this."

"You need to see a doctor and I think my Mom is probably right about you - she thinks that you had post natal depression since Melody was born and I have done some reading ....."

"Oh I might have known, and who else have you been talking to??!!"

"Shut up a minute - From the way you have behaved since Melody was born, and from what you have just said, I think maybe you are suffering from post natal depression. I think the twins coming so close to Melody, then closely followed by Piper they have all come too quickly and this problem has just continued and not gone away, we should not have had any more babies after Melody without getting you medical help!!"

"Well I definitely haven't felt myself since Melody was born."

"And if only you had talked to me about it, then it would never have gotten this bad."

"You are not leaving me are you?"

"No, but only as long as you go see a doctor and make an effort to put things right with Melody.  If you don't Amber then I will have to do what is best for the kids!!"

"Ok I will go and see a doctor."

"And Melody?"

"I will try and start to spend more time with her."

While we had been talking Dad had been feeding and putting Harmony and Lyric to bed, Piper on the other hand was far from tired so he played with him for a while then started to teach him how to talk.  Bradey had been struggling to finish off Harmony and Lyrics walking and potty training and had not even made a start on Piper yet.

Dixie had her birthday and became a young adult.

She really reminded me of Apricot and I thought grew up to be quite pretty.

She graduated with honours and was deemed the most likely to get married - that tickled me a little as up to yet I had not seen any signs of her even having had a boyfriend.

 Now that Melody is a child I didn't actually mind spending time with her.  After Dixies graduation, we spent most of the afternoon outside in the garden nattering and painting.

Later Melody asked me to read her a bed time story which surprised me as she had never done before now, but I might have know that Bradey had instigated it.

"Daddy said to ask you for a bed time story, he is busy teaching Harmony to walk."

"What is your Granddad doing?"

"Cooking."

I could see Melody was probably not even listening to what I was reading to her, she was eyeing me suspiciously, not taking her eyes off my face once, like she had never seen me before.  Hardly surprising really as she didn't know me as much as I didn't know her.  I was pretty relieved when she finally fell asleep.

When I got into the babies room Bradey was still learning Harmony to walk.  Then I wandered what I was doing, I kept coming into the babies room and just sitting here and watching, I had been doing it a lot lately and I don't really know why.

Bradey and Dad both wandered off out of the babies room and just left me sitting there alone with the three toddlers.  They were all ignoring me, Lyric and Piper were playing with their dolls and Harmony playing on the xylophone.  The ping ping ping of her hitting the musical notes drew me in and before I knew what I was doing I was sat on the carpet in front of her.

 I think Bradey was pretty shocked when he walked back into the babies room to see me sitting on the carpet actually playing with Harmony.  I had pretty much shocked myself!!

I needed the toilet and Bradey followed me into the bathroom.

"See that didn't kill you did it, playing with Harmony."

"I suppose not."

He kissed me for the first time in a long time, but that was it, one kiss then he wandered off back into the babies room to put them to bed, but he still slept elsewhere that night.

Dad has never thought nothing of spending time with the family ghosts, sparing with his mothers ghost, playing on the water slide with his Great Great Granddad Martys ghost.

But when it came to Apricot he was baffled.  She doesn't behave like any of the other ghosts, she rarely comes out and when she does it is for very short periods of time.  She doesn't interact with anyone other than sitting down by Dad or waving to him and then she vanishes.

Everytime that Dad tries to talk to her - she vanishes.  It is starting to upset him.

 Harmony and Lyric had their birthday.  Harmony gained the perceptive trait.

Next Lyric who gained the Athletic trait.

It was unusual to see Dixie home, since her birthday she had only come home sometimes to sleep she is always out and nobody really knows what she is up to when she is out of the house, she is very vague about what she is doing or where she is and who she is with, if she is asked.

"So what do we owe the pleasure of your company tonight for a change?"

"My mates are busy tonight."

"Your mates, don't you mean that bloke you are spending all your time with!!"

I was only joking but it seemed to hit a nerve, she suddenly became a little panicked.

"OMG!!  Someone has told you haven't they!!"

"Told me what Dixie? - what are you hiding, or should I say who??"

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Chapter 15

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Ha! Did anyone spot the wedding cake on the table in that last pic??  That cake is soooooo aggrevating me!!!  It is the cake that was at Amber and Bradeys wedding and it is still sitting there waiting for someone to clean it up, but as yet nobody has been near it only the ghosts to grab a slice of it.