Chapter 9 - Gen 5 - Amber

Watching Melody playing with her doll on the carpet, I knew I needed to sort my head out, pregnant again, another baby on the way, and still I have not been anywhere near my daughter since the day she was born.

Of course Bradey is over the moon that we are having another baby, too excited to even notice that I am really not too thrilled about it.  He wants to get Melody walking and potty trained before the new baby arrives, he spends every spare minute that he has with that kid, I was beginning to resent that.

I burried myself in my painting again - my way of escaping the reality of what is going on in my head.

"Are you ok Amber?"

"Yes Dad I am fine!!"

"Really, because me and Bradey don't think you are your usual self at the moment."

"I am just tired that's all."

"Well maybe you should get more rest instead of standing out here all hours, you are going to know about it when you have two children to look after!!"

Perish the thought!!!

I didn't rest and from then on we carried on painting in silence, both of us finishing the paintings we were working on.  I now had an added worry that Dad and Bradey were beginning to notice the lack of interaction between me and Melody, the last thing I needed right now was for them to start going on at me.  Dad's painting was amazing, he couldn't decide whether to keep it or sell it, I think he liked it himself.

Mine, well it was a bit like my mind at the moment, it didn't really make much sense!!

Walking into the house Dad walked straight into Apricots ghost.  Finally after all this time she appears and Dad is way too shocked to even think about how he is reacting to it.

It was the first time Dad had seen Apricot in ghost form.

She too stopped dead in her tracks, smiled and waved at Dad

Then just vanished into a cloudy mist that quickly disappeared..

It left Dad feeling pretty upset and he went back to moping about for a few days afterwards.

As the pregnancy was progressing I was finding myself getting very tired and standing at the easel all day while I was painting was becoming difficult, very tiring and my back was aching like mad.  So I found something else to keep me amused till the baby arrived, I started to learn how to play the piano.

Now that Melody is walking and talking, I can see what Bradey is doing, book after book is coming out of the bookshelf and being read to Melody, every spare moment now they are sat there, head stuck in a book together, I think he is trying to turn her into a swat like he is!!  She seems to enjoy it and she is getting pretty clever, I think that kid has read more books already than I have!!!

I am trying to do something constructive and decided I wanted to read a pregnancy book, it might help me feel a little better about this pregnancy and about motherhood, and if I am lucky it might even give me some clues as to why I am feeling the way I am.

It is hard enough concentrating with the child constantly squealing and jabbering but when Dad and Bradey started, two grown men getting excited over the kid using the potty chair on her own for the first time, I just couldn't take any more - I had to get out of here before I started to scream.

"Who da lady Daddie"

"That's Mommy silly!!

After hearing that I was gone, a little stir crazy anyway I decided to get out of the house for a while, and made my way to the consignment store to buy a music box and chat with Neville for a while.

When I got back home Bradey was as normal playing with Melody so I snook off to the bedroom for a nap, as soon as I get through the front door I get that horrible sinking feeling again and immediately wanted to shut my head off.

I found something new to worry about, Dixie I thought was acting very strangely, I found her quite a few times sat having a conversation with herself.

when I asked her who she was talking to she said
"Peanut" who do you think I am talking to!?"
"OK!!" I said sarcastically and she gave me the weirdest of looks.

I told Dad that I thought she was acting strangely, but he didn't seem in the slightest bit worried, in fact he said it was pretty normal behaviour.

"Oh don't worry, its not unusual, she is talking to her imaginary friend." 

"Imaginary friends??!!"

"Oh of course, you Adam and Alex didn't get one did you, the doll that Melody has, you know the one that came in the post, it will grow up with her and become her imaginary friend, I didn't have one, but your uncle Reece did, he nearly married his."

I was still none the wiser - and just left it at that, my brain was pickled enough without even trying to work this one out!!  I have questioned my sanity quite a lot lately but am beginning to get the feeling it wasn't me who was going slowly mad, it was everyone else!!

I hadn't been sleeping too well lately but I was so tired tonight I finally got a good nights sleep, just as well really as I woke up early morning in pain.  The baby was on its way.

Bradey went into a mad panic, there were no tears this time.

I ended up driving us to the hospital, we would never have got there if it had been left to Bradey to drive us there, even though I was the one in labour.

He rushed into the hospital way ahead of me, eager for the arrival of our new baby.  I waddled slowly towards the hospital doors.

Dragging my feet, not looking forward to what was coming, and not wanting our next little nightmare to arrive.

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Chapter 10

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