Ugly Wishes: Chapter 17 - Gen 1

by Jade

That look on his face cut through me and I could not get it out of my head. It actually hurt me to see him so hurt, but it was never going to work between us - what else could I do!!!!

I love Pear in my own way but I love Toby more with me and Pear it was opposites attract and fireworks in the bedroom but all the arguments and the fighting - I am so tired of all the fighting - it wears me down. With me and Toby we are alike, we are sole mates and it doesn't matter to me how he looks because I don't see the "ugliness", and I know Toby will never hurt me, with Toby I will have a far better life - Pear is just a mine field!!

I meant every word I said to Pear on mine and Toby's wedding day - I loved Toby and it was over between me and Pear so why can I not get him out of my head!!?? Maybe it is because he won't let me!!!!

He has been wearing me down since the day I married Toby. Mainly by phone, every day at work and any opportunity he gets and he takes it. lying on the bed, after you know, with Toby and the phone rings and disturbs us - guess who!!

"Jade"

"Hi Dad, can I ring you back later I am busy."

"Is he there?"

"Yeah - later I promise!"
"Don't forget!!"

Of course it wasn't my Dad, it was Pear - but I don't want Toby to find out Pear is pestering me, it will only upset him, he is really insecure where Pear is concerned.

Slowly but surely he has ground me down before I became pregnant with Blake he would be there at work in my ear constantly - he drove me nuts and I suppose I knew deep down I could easily put a stop to it all by leaving work, I am a chronic cook and am never going to get anywhere in this job, Toby hates the fact that I work with Pear and typically of Toby, he would rather upset himself than upset me by saying if I am happy there I can stay working there. I did intend to leave but when it comes to it I panic inside, I just don't seem to be able to make that final break from Pear that I need to make. It is my own fault I know!!

Pear was far from happy when I told him we were trying for a baby and even unhappier still when I told him I was pregnant. We had the mother of all arguments over the phone - mainly because of his "ugly" insults. I slammed down the phone and that was that. I was on maternity leave away from work and away from Pear and I did for a while get the break from him that I needed.

It was just after Mint was born when he started again. Toby had been round hanging out with Apple and he had had a run in with Pear, who was quick to phone me, the minute Toby walked out the door. I had just ended the call with Pear when Toby walked in looking all wound up and I know exactly why he was wound up but had to pretend that I didn't know, else he would have known I had been talking to Pear. After that Pear never left me alone. Most of the time he phoned while Toby was at work Pear seemed to knew exactly when he was and wasn't working.

But it was inevitable one day we would come face to face when nobody else was around. It was after the twins were born and I was feeling a little stir crazy and decided to go round to see Tia. I did give Pear a thought, but checking the time i knew he should be at work. I nearly died as I walked up the path and he came running out the door obviously late, there was nothing I could do be keep on walking. At first he rushed past me then he must have stopped.

"Jade"

"Go to work Pear."

"There is only Nectarine home, if you are here to see Tia she is out somewhere"

"You should be at work."

"So should you, Jade when are you coming back I miss you!!"

"Don't Pear please."

"Give it up Pear haven't you got the message yet?!"

"You know I am never going to give it up Jade."

"Pear why are you doing this?"

"Because I love you Jade and I know you might think I am pathetic, and maybe I am, but I love you and I have tried to make it go away and it won't go away Jade."

There, he went and did it again, that look, that cuts through me, he is hurting and you can see it

before I knew what was happening we were holding each other. He is going to get me with that look every time, I knew this was wrong I shouldn't be doing this, but I just couldn't help myself, I loved being in his arms and I could have stayed there forever.

then he spoke to me which brought me back to my senses. What was I doing!!!

"Jade what do I have to do to make you love me again?"

"Pear I can't do this."

"Jade please don't go"

"I have to!!"

I ran and left him just standing here bewildered. I had to get away before I did something I would regret. All I had done was hugged him amorously and I felt awful.

I never wanted to hurt Toby, but I had a feeling if I did not keep away from Pear I was going to do something that I was going to end up regretting.

Summer had just died and everyone in the house was a mess. I had the job of telling Tia about her mother dying, Toby was too upset and we didn't have a clue where Marty was he had gone awol. It had upset me seeing my mother in law die even though I didn't really get on with her very much, it was hard to watch Toby and the boys so upset. This time I never even gave Pear a thought, and when he opened the door to me I was shocked at the change of his attitude towards me.

"What do you want?"

"Is Tia about?"

"No"

"Do you know where she is or what time she will be back\?"

"No"

I was a little taken about by the way he was talking to me, his whole attitude was indifferent.

"What's up with you?"

"Nothing are you done only I am busy"

"What the hell did you do to your hair?"

"What the hell does it have to do with you Jade, now can you please get lost!!"

I was not used to this attitude from him - this on top of the grief and sombre atmosphere at home I collapsed in tears into to arms and cried, he didn't say anything he just held me till I got a grip of myself.

I was upset, my brain was swimming and before I realised what was happening he was kissing me or I was kissing him I don't have a clue who started.

The kissing became passionate, more intense, even desperate, so when he swung me up into his arms and carried me, I knew exactly where we were going and exactly what we would be doing, I knew it was wrong and I knew I should have stopped it - but I didn't, I was about to make the biggest mistake of my life and I let it happen because at that moment in time it was what I wanted.

I crept out while he was sleeping - thankfully nobody saw me leave the house.
I went home angry with myself. What had I done!!!

"What took you so long I was just about to send out a search party"

"Oh I popped into work to try and get time off and they asked me to help out for a bit."

I was such a liar!!

"Did you tell Tia"

"No, she was not home, nobody was."

I don't know where my head was at - what I was about to do didn't make any sense, the guilt was eating me up and I thought maybe this would ease it and of course it didn't. Climbing out of Pears bed then dragging my husband to bed because of the guilt is not really a clever thing to do - but I was doing it anyway.

"Not now Jade, I really am not in the mood."